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More than just a teenager suffering 

I love you.

I love you soo much. Each time I wrote something, it was for you. But posting the letter to your place was as easy as catching a fly with one hand. Wrote to make you realize my ache due to the prick you made inside my heart. I have to live with that throughout my life now. It might sound funny but I am no more that small girl whom you could trick and play with your talks. I am grown up now. Grown up enough to understand my emotions. Emotions for you. I am so tired of crushing my love. I hope you understand my suffering once in your life just once. I want you too feel the rate of my pulse in your veins someDAY. I knew that I was never good enough for you to carry on further so keeping this a secret was the only option but you were all I had in last. Just you. Trust me I would never blame you for what I did to myself. It was never your fault. Being a teenager its hard to figure out what is right and what is wrong. But now I am smart enough to understand the life. 

Some feelings are so quite that they can’t be expressed. I had something for you which I know you would have never felt for me. An unknown onesided connection was formed between us two . Your excitments made my heart pump faster. Each time I have to gulp back the fire to catch breath for my survival. The cardiac wanted to pop out of my chest. Your sorrows made my heart sink like I am hollow from inside. Though you never shared your pain but I felt every bit of it by just looking at your face. You hurt me many times. I know this is strange to read as you don’t even know my name but I won’t reveal it now as its too late. Seeing you with someone else gave me stabs everytime. This is what love is all about living with the shadows by letting the things go forward. My life is taking a blind turn now and I am not allowed to make a choice because someone else did it for me. I am into hell where I have to pull through. But no matters what you own my spirit now and I’ll love you till my last breath. 

Anonymous ❤

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My Stranger 

I want to be alone. Shiver was going down my body making my skin aroused. I felt static under the dermis. Deflate I collected and covered myself with a sheet. I want to be alone. The strangest part was that the room was deserted. No one except me was there. I felt like crying..hard. 

It wasn’t for the first time. I felt this many a times. I love you. He loves you too. Really? But am I right for him. Feelings were shedding me like clouds. Felt but can’t be intensified. I wanted some stranger not him to hold me. Hold me tight in his arms. Settle down the ocean of feelings which was going inside me like a tornado. 

Why a stranger? 

He will not judge me by my past or my future. He’ll be my moment. Moment which I want to live without any stipulation. With no fear of judging or being judged. In the moment I’ll unloose myself into him without any promises. With the time growing older I’ll let the moment pass by with no intentions of holding it on like water. I want it to slip out of my fingers unknowingly. 

But that doesn’t mean i don’t love him – said my heart ❤

– bhawana

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She

He clutched my hand and pressed me towards the wall. His fingers started working on my bare hand from the tip to the shoulder; slowly without losing eye contact. Reaching the neck he pulled my hair string down and planted a kiss on it. Gentle but intimidating. Muddled how to react I stood queit. Sweat started outlining my eyebrows and body was quivering, which I tried hard to be unnoticed. He brought his mouth closer to mine. Clentched me hard from the back with one hand and placed another on my cheek. His breath was beating my face now. Jesus, he is about to kiss me should I stop him or give myself into him. I closed my eyes ready to taste him.

Jenny.. all of sudden I heard my name in a furious intone and in reflex my eyes opened up. 

“Where the hell is your alarm clock??”

 “May be under those heap of clothes on the chair”, I signalled. About to give myself in the bed my mind alerted. Hey wait!! Was that a dream? Wtf, it was a dream, after analysing the whole situation in my head I found Grase standing infront of me with folded hands and blood cold eyes. Shit, we were supposed to be preparing for the exibition right now.

” My mistake, give me few minutes and I’ll be right here” I said. I rushed towards the rest room. I put on my best clothes with light make up and exactly after 20 minutes I was ready for the show. We locked our apartment and left for the art exhibition.

To be continued ..

Ceased

 

 I waited for you ..

I waited for you till the end.      

Each time your mere gaze, placed my soul on  blaze.                

The thoughts of claiming you mine,always made my eyes shine.                        

I waited for you .. 

I waited for you till the end.                           

When your fingers touched my fingers,they blend together so fine. 

When it reaches the moment of rupture, its hard to find sole separation line.

I waited for you..                                 

I waited for you till the end.

Promises were seaseed to me,each with a veracious blink.             

My name in your amicable intone, made my heart sink.    

I waited for you..                                 

I waited for you till the end.

Time flew like a sunday bird, left with traces on the nature .          

Past second  you were here,I tried to hold when you disappeared.                                         

I searched under the bed, behind the curtain,but you were no where.                       

At last when I gander inside my heart, found you winking deep down there.

I waited for you..                              

I waited for you till MY END.

                                         -bhawana ❤

I love hatred.

Long back someone once told me that if  we start finding faults in other’s we ourself’s are at fault somewhere. Initially I agreed with him as from very small age we are taught that before pointing out others we should peep inside our own souls.

Well people out there let me break your illusions the above stated statement is totally wrong. If you know that your heart is pure and you still find people wrong than believe it. Your soul never lies to you. There are bad people out there no matter if they are just mad at you and good with others.

To hate or to love people is uncontrolable you can’t rule your feelings for other. They themselves are responsible for the way you treat them. The only person whom you should never ditch in your life is you yourself. Be truthful to yourself .

So guys keep loving and keep hating. Life is too short to love everyone. 🌐


I just liked the name

Sitting in the classroom on the window side while the teacher was mumbling something which i can’t hear as I was in my own dreamland. The air was whispering with leaves. I tried to hear their talks but failed. All of sudden don’t know why a thought came to my mind.

   My name sounded funny to me. The thought excited me and I started repeating my name all over again and again. While thinking on it my brain gone nub for a second and I lost connection with world. A question struck my mind.

      “Does a name can define me?”

Bhawana- my name. Is this my only identity? I felt like an animal at that time with a name which can be changed according to our wish and likes. We name our pets too. Is there no difference between us and those poor brainless animals who can’t think and make decisions?

Don’t let a word define you. You are much more than a mere name. Know your potential and work on it. Let your work define you.You are one of  a kind. You are different.

 Let your body reflect your soul.