Cube joined cube,
and a weeny creature formed.
Closed eyes and curled up toes,
Sleeping in the womb.
Nothing to be seen and nothing to hide,
Hey, tiny breathing being are you inside?
Just a little bump and that’s what all,
No little fingers were there to hold.
Months have gone and you are on a leave,
Mum is the one in touch and father on a breach.
Sneak out of the little void and lets end this fight,
You are a part of me too..
Than why mum have all the delight? 🙁
“And then I wondered whether it was our starting or end”
The leaves beacame all cracky and pale, scattered everywhere some near and some away from their branches. Sun lost its usual brightness and the sky started being more white. The nights were cold. It was 3 in the morning when my phone rang.
“Nibedita”, an unknown voice called my name.
“Yes”. I replied pulling myself upwards.
“Your friend Anurag is in ICU. He has been hit by a car. Your number was on the speed dial so we called you. Can you make to the hospital right now??”
“I’ll be there”
I held my head between the kness snatching hair. What did I do. Throwing the quilt away she reached for the car keys on the table. Locking her seat-belt, she was on her way in no time.
“I am the one to be blamed for his condition. I should have answered his calls. What if something happens to him? Where will I go? Anurag and Nibedita were in a relationship from last one year. Deep in love with each other. But just a guilt-ridden night and nothing was same. Anurag found Nibedita kissing his best friend in the middle of the hall at Christmas eve. She was all drunk and out of senses. But as Anurag moved to drift them apart, reality hit her. She followed him but he didn’t look back. Anurag walked off without saying a single word. Nibedita tried calling him but when every call went unanswered she decided of not bothering him anylonger.
From last five days Anurag was continuously trying to get in touch with her but she did not want him to go through all the pain again. Because her voice and presence might give him flashbacks, dragging him in misery all over again.
She found herself standing outside the ICU. The doctors were still in there operting his body. The white of my eyes turned red and tears were a part of me. I got seated fishing my phone out of pocket. I logged in my gmail account and started swiping our old pictures. My dripping eyes made his beautiful face all wet and unclear. There were pictures of us holding hands, me running after him and he pulling me up in his arms.
After a long wait of 4 hours and 17 minutes the doctor and his team finally left the ward. “He got his right leg twisted and some injuries in head. Though he is out of danger now. You’ll be allowed to meet him once we shift him into normal ward”, the doctor said.
He was still unconscious by the time I entered the room. His hands were all bruised with drips in them. Leg got plastered and head drapped in a white bandage with hairs chopped short. Lips parted and swollen. Left cheek had a major sever. I stood next to him taking his lifeless hands in mine carefully. ” I don’t know whether you’ll ever forgive me for what I did to you. I am such a fool who thought that cutting of connections will make your life easy. I am sorry for making you go through all this. I am the one who should be lying here not you. I am so sorry. I don’t know whether I have the right to ask you or not but can you please forgive me. Watching you like this is killing me. Please open your eyes and talk to me. I was in tears when the doctor asked me to leave as they wanted to perform some tests.
I left the room.
About half an hour later when Anurag opened his eyes the nurse asked me in. I slowly closed the door behind me, took a deep breath and rubbed the tears off.
“Hi”, I said stammering. He asked me to sit on the stool by patting his hand on the bed slowly. “What do you think you were doing? Was this your plan of hurting me by hurting yourself? ” I don’t know when all my tears turned into anger.”You are such a loser. I hate you Anurag. I hate you. You are nothing but a coward soul who can’t handle his problems. I will never forgive you for this”, my eyes were watery all again. ” I am sorry for all what happened. I didn’t have the strength to face you. Neither my mistake was small enough to be justified. But I really don’t think I deserve to be a part of your life so I stopped answering your calls. And before I lose control over my feelings its better I go. I turned my back to leave.
“But I love you”,he said in his puppy like voice. ” And I need you. All I wanted was some time to clear my mind. I never stopped loving you and nothing can stop me from loving you. You are a part of me. I love you so much”.
I turned towards him. I wanted to shout and tell him and everyone around that I loved him too. I loved him like a loon. But words didn’t come out of me like they lost their path. So I slowly moved towards him and bought my face closer to his and in no time I was kissing him. And he kissed me back.
Not every love is meant to breathe,
Not every love is fine.
Some love stories are formed to break,
And some are set by the divine.
But their was different, somewhere between the line.
They chose to live together of a fresh kind.
Filled each others heart and listened to the mind.
Neither together nor apart, such an aberrant tie.
Breathing in a solemn truth and a living lie.
It was 3 in the morning and my eyes were still wide open, glaring at the ceiling. I turned on my right and he was sleeping. The calm look on his face was giving me cheers of satisfaction and security. I pressed my body beside his and placed my head on his chest absorbing his warmth and the lub dub of heart.
The other moment a hand enveloped me passing over my shoulder.
“No, woke up by a dream. Lets sleep. ”
“Don’t worry. I am here.”
Yes, you are. Right now.
“Ok”, he was asleep by now.
Anurag got transferred to Chennai and as a result this was our last night together. Tomorrow he’ll be sleeping over some new uncreased bed sheet miles away from me. The only thing uniting us would be the immense sky. For me everything would be same except my life. His smell would be in my breath but not in the air. His radiance would reflect through my eyes but he won’t be near. His heart would beat with the same pace but I won’t be around to hear. All these years which we spent together were like a rollercoaster ride for me. There were lows and highs in my life but the only thing which gave me the direction to look through the possibilities was him. Holding me on my breaking points and sometimes letting me fall like a guide. The long never ending fights some reasonable and other out of jealousy. The love which spoiled the hidden child inside me. And in all this I almost forgot that there would be a point were our paths will split. The mere thought of not having him any longer has already started excoriating my heart. How will I survive? I may walk but it would no longer be a journey for me.
But what was making me more nervous was the thought that
Would he still love me?
Some where deep in the heart I knew that this was the starting of our END. I closed my eyes and a tear rolled down putting me to sleep.
When she was lying in her bed with running thoughts in her mind..he was on the bed with a woman with running fingers.
I was nothing till I felt you on,
I lived in you, you were my home,
Till the time I tasted that I wasn’t the only known.
The lips which warmed me were not for me all alone,
The hands which touched me every now and then had traces of some unknown.
Puff was different this time,
It had the scent of lying.
Why? Is the word which kept ringing in my mind.
Did I do something vice which made you cross the line.
She- HE is my story.
He- I am a man with stories.
There are times when all of sudden you start feeling something deep down in the heart. But fail putting them in words. ♥️♥️
When the heart sinks watching a plane go away.
The moment when you want to be a bird and fly high in the sky. Playing hide and seek with the clouds.
When a song takes you to a faraway land in midnight watching the stars.
When the silence speaks much more than the words.
When your heart can match the heartbeat of the other person.
When you start feeling his pain and happiness in your body sitting miles away.
When all this starts happening with you. Stop because your search is over. Your struggle of finding words is over.